opening up.

well, obviously i'm not doing the 30 days of whatever-ness.

but today i'm going to open up a little bit.
even though i asked for my divorce, it's still hard. people don't realize how hard it truly is. of course, every situation is different, but the pain is always the same. no matter who initiates it.
people think that because i asked for my divorce, that i don't have the right to be sad. that i should just automatically be happy, because i got what i wanted. and they're right. i got what i wanted. but sometimes, the things you want, the things you need, are not the easiest things to get.
through all of this, through all of the conflicts, arguments, and frustration, i have been happy. i have been happy for myself and for others. but in the back of my mind, there is a constant sadness. a part of me is still mourning for my loss. i'm still sad about the situation. i'm upset. i'm angry. sometimes i just want to run until i physically can't move anymore.
but no one can know.
because i'm supposed to be happy.

right?

an attempt to get myself to blog more.

30 days of truth.
Day 1: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 2: Something you love about yourself.
Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 8: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like poopy.
Day 9: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days.
Day 14: A hero that has let you down.
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion?
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs.
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself.


Stay tuned. We'll see if I'm able to complete all 30 days.

contemplation and rambling.

sometimes all you need in life is a new path, and i'm finally on mine.
i know that  people probably still stare at me and talk about me behind my back. i still get letters in the mail from people that think i'm broken, that think i need to talk about it, that think i need to heal. that think i need to be treated differently.
i guess i've gotten so used to being treated differently that i forgot what anything else was like.
most people don't want anything to do with a 20 year old divorcee. not that i can blame them - i probably wouldn't know how to treat me, either. so when i meet someone who doesn't turn their head when i tell them about my past, my universe gets shaken just a little bit. when people treat me exactly the same as anybody else is what really hits home.
i've put up a lot of walls, both before and after my marriage. it's one of the things i do best. maybe, now that i'm on the walk of life that i'm supposed to be on, some of those walls can come down.

xoxo.